I never knew i’d feel this pang. A sharp regret. Like my teenage years just passed away.
He was what Elvis was to my dad. It never mattered that he was black and then white, and had strange hair, or wore one glove, or grabbed his crotch. When you are fourteen you don’t notice any of that.
All you notice is this is the man who keeps you company. When your parents no longer live together. When the people you live with are responsible for your parents not being together. When everyone at school thinks you are some kind of tramp. When the world at fourteen seems so messed up, this man sings a song that is your salvation.
I’m sure teenage hormones and sexual awakening were part of the reason why a song about desire would strike a chord at that age. But somewhere, i’m convinced that this song helped me battle a strange loneliness. One I couldn’t recognise but obviously felt.
So when ever my mom called, and cried, I’d tune her out and blast this song. Whenever my father visited and I saw the sadness in his eyes because in some ways he was to blame, I turned to this song. Whenever I sat alone on the macchan balcony, looking out at a jungle of tea bushes, this is the song that played.
And it was like magic. Seconds in to the song, I’d be singing on the top of my voice, I’d be moon walking, I’d be twisting and turning. And I even got a hat to toss into the air, as I grabbed my crotch and stood still, panting, but perfectly happy.
He taught me that music and dance could really save your mortal soul. So goodbye MJ, rest in peace, and thank you for saving my teenage soul.
Here are excerpts from the song, the bits I still yell out and sing:
Hey Pretty Baby With The
High Heels On
You Give Me Fever
Like I've Never, Ever Known
Just Kiss Me Baby
And Tell Me Twice
That You're The One For Me
The Way You Make Me Feel
The Way You Make Me Feel
You Really Turn Me On
You Really Turn Me On
You Knock Me Off Of My Feet
You Knock Me Off Of My Feet
My Lonely Days Are Gone
My Lonely Days Are Gone
Go On Girl!
I Never Felt So In Love Before
Promise Baby, You'll Love Me
Forevermore
I Swear I'm Keepin' You
Satisfied
'Cause You're The One For
Me . . .
The Way You Make Me Feel
The Way You Make Me Feel
31 comments:
and this is how i learn't that MJ was dead. The perfect tribute.
Wow that was unexpected... And beautiful
Oh so beautiful Agent. Thank you for sharing this.
AGG
Your posts generally make me laugh. This time I feel sad. I don't know if it is just your post or if it is the grey skies and slight drizzle outside my window that is accentuating the feeling.
I never cared much for Jackson or his music. I always thought found his music to shallow. The ‘not-so-nice’ information about him influenced me like it did for many others and I could not differentiate between the music and the man. I made fun of friends who thought the world of Jackson and his music. I realise now that I was very stupid. We all live different lives and experiences. I guess this defines our likes and dislikes. We also teach ourselves to be stupid and judgmental.
You relate to Jackson because he made a few years of your life a little better. He probably expressed the angst and the desires that you wanted to but didn’t know how. He appealed to your feelings – directly – without knowing ever you or your experiences. Still - he gave you a song to sing and fulfilled your need for expression. If Jackson could make a difference to even one little moment in your life through his music, he has achieved more than most of us can do with our entire life. He must have made a difference to so many other people.
Now – Thanks to your post, I look at that man differently. Luckily, his music will always be around - giving me another chance to listen to his music objectively. I may still not like it but I still have the opportunity to try. I feel sad because we form so many lopsided perceptions about so many people and these we might never have an opportunity to change. They unfortunately do not always leave behind a legacy.
This post also reminded me, again, that you are a truly gifted writer.
I wish you happy thoughts, good music and lots of love - forever
Keep writing
Cheers
@clemde(i'd actually pefer bandra bugger : ))))) : i read your blog, just as i had finished mine. and i was still, as they say, all shook up. so the emotional comment. but thank you. for the comment. and for the blog. which i follow like a leech!
@divya: i know. even i thought it was unexpected. i usually steer clear from sad on my blog. but this time i couldn't. and thank you.
@thecloudcutter: thanks. he's the weird ass symbol of my weird ass teenage years.
@this is that: kisses.
@as the mind meanders: aah! where do i start. it's a fresh new post. the things you realise when you blog.
that people, you have never met or seen, or talked to face to face, can say the most profound things and move you to bits. like you just did.
you said all the things i would be shy to say. things that are real, things i would want to say, honest things, from the heart things.
so first, thank you for saying those things. second, thank you for the wishes...and the love.
and most important, thanks for reaching out. you didn't have to...but you did. i'm truly touched. and honoured.
Tattoo boy n I have been in mourning since morning. Its like a part of my childhood is dead...this year i have dealt with such "emotional deaths" its not even real!!
But being the one who almost always looks at the silver lining...i feel so happy to have had MJ as part of my childhood, my first romance, my first social in school, my first dance party in DSOI, my first poster as a teenager...I am so glad that he was many of my "firsts"...
Unlike you and me...MJ will be imortal till music is alive!
Salute!
I'm glad you didn't. MJ never meant much to me and I didn't understand why people were getting so hysterical about his death. Let's say you made me see a whole new perspective of how some guy far away can actually reach out to someone simply through his music. It really was a beautiful post.
He taught me that music and dance could really save your mortal soul.
Oh I love that, and I agree with everyone here. I was never into MJ in a big way, but reading you describe how some song in the world is connecting and helping someone who really needs it is brilliant. Music can really save the soul man, my childhood hero was Jim morrison, from his music I learnt to embrace my weird quotient :)
But this post made me so sad, think of my days in school. Hugs..
you took my breath away with that one, agent.
lovely..a sweet tribute to a legend
and you made me cry
I have read many tribute to MJ today. This one is heart felt too.
i just noticed that if you scroll to the top of your blog so that the pic fills the screen and glaze your eyes over a bit, the leg that's dangling swings.
@ani: thank you. it is strange. i called my mom yesterday, and she's not in to music at all, but she said she felt like crying on hearing he was dead.
@nikki: ya. i think it is also a generation thing. for many of us he was our teenage years, the balloon pants, the attempts at break dance, the socials...
@mentalie: lol. it is true. i could see that through squinty eyes. now i'll try it with eyedrops in them.
its not just how you wrote it. its the song you wrote about. it did exactly the same for me.
growing up around pseudo leftist "the wall" listening cousins made innocence and MJ a dirty secret.
his passing is like the secret soundtrack of my childhood being taken away
I remember the first time i saw the video on telly...was transfixed...isn't it amazing how musicians, writers, characters become so much a part of my life. I think it has to be Adrian Mole for me...in fact four of us thirty somethings were reminiscing about 'those days' as they played M J at the candies Sky Garden this morning. Lovely post
What an awesome tribute to an amazing artist!
You truly are a gifted writer!
That's a great tribute, AGG... I feel that a part of my childhood is no longer with me - he was the first 'western' artist I had ever listened to and I was HOOKED.
(Also, LOL at Mentalie's leg dangling comment)
hi, dropped in here from the Knife's blog...ur post shook me up though frankly I am no great MJ fan...but the loneliness and sadness in your post really touched a chord.
I hope unlike MJ ur grown-up years are fun and you have gotten over the lonely bitter teenage years.
Beautiful post.
Like one he deserves.
It finally took his death to curb the hatred down.
No matter the preferred genre or style of music, I think most people in the world would have one 'MJ' song.
P.S- I actually sung the lyrics in your post. :)
KNOCK KNOCK...
Wow..!
..i found this blog address in my sister's old work-notes. The trip's been worth it.
She too cried a bit. If not the same, similar experience i guess..
@bronzmash: thank you. being the stalker i am, i went straight to your profile and figured who you are. welcome, if you're anything like your sister i think you'll be fantastic to know!
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