Saturday, February 20, 2010

Big Fat Psychotic Gathering – Broodstock part 1


“Wear a ghagra choli. All the girls will be wearing one.”

This is Delhi in end January. The temperature is dipping lower than Mahima Chowdhury’s neckline.*

I state the obvious. “And freeze my ass off?”

My aunt looks at me like the goo that got stuck to her slipper when we walked the streets of Karol Bagh in search of the perfect matching gota purse.

She turns to my mother, pity written all over her concerned face “ Hai N, teri beti badi practical hai.”

Practical? Its 4 degrees, you can get pneumonia if you wear any less than two sweaters and she wants me to go to a wedding, at a mehrauli farmhouse, in a skimpy ghagra choli.

This is two years back. I never went for the wedding, which is good because the couple split up in five days anyway. I would probably have spent more time in hospital for frostbite.

Now the thing I was dreading the most is happening. My brought up on a staple diet of dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge cousin is getting married. And the same masi called me yesterday. You could hear the glee in her voice all the way to Vaishnodevi.

“ Fishtail design is the latest. And we kept your pneumonia in mind, the wedding is in August.”

Freaking hell. Twelve days of wedding frenzy, hundreds of relatives, non-stop havans, sister of the bride in a fishtail ghagra choli.

I’m getting ready to channelize my inner Karan Johar.


*please watch Kudiyon ka hai zamana. and don't blame me for suicidal tendencies displayed after that.

19 comments:

Atrisa said...

Haha good luck! Doncha just love Delhi ;) During winters our school skirts actually used to get shorter. Go figure!

P.S: Don't worry. I watch Rahul Dulhaniya Le Jayega. 'nuf said.

soin said...

how considerate of them.they took your health into account and then set the date.and look 12 days you can bunk relax.free

Anita :) said...

Hmm looks like you dont like weddings..dances..over dressing...jewellery...smell of food perfumes and flowers..makeup... etc etc..
Same with me :) But its a good break if you'd been involved too much in work .

Small Miracle said...

hahahahahahha

doingmything said...

You had me at ghaghra choli!!.......ha ha ha ha ha ha ...that was one good laugh!!

ani_aset said...

@atrisa: i can testify that..gosh how did you guys keep up with it in winters..hats off :P

@AGG: I have never seen more considerate aunts :P enjoy the shaadddi :P

mentalie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mentalie said...

$#@#$! i have aunts who'll wrestle me into a kaanjeebaram with 100 kilos of gold adorning my head, chest, waist, arms and legs. in madras summer. and that's only because i'm not married. post marriage, you are required to do 100 push ups and bench presses everyday, just so you can carry off the gold quota on festive occasions.

Lavender said...

Haha ok so I'm not quite sure if you're excited about the fist tail or simply being sarcastic.
But have anyway ok?
it's so much smirking at the nonsense happening all around.
So much masala to update your Blog with :P
And don't forget to keep your eyes open for all the hot boys in black suits and formal pants :D

Lavender said...

chivHaha ok so I'm not quite sure if you're excited about the fist tail or simply being sarcastic.
But have anyway ok?
it's so much smirking at the nonsense happening all around.
So much masala to update your Blog with :P
And don't forget to keep your eyes open for all the hot boys in black suits and formal pants :D

eveline said...

Hahahahaha. If there's a wedding that I HAVE to attend then I grow very concerned. So I empathize with what you're feeling. Of course, when we have weddings, things radically shift into bizarre territory. Highly unrecommended.

Shas said...

Its such a pain attending weddings especially when one is dragged to attend those where one hardly knows anybody.

Himanshu Tandon said...

Hey AGG, Been waiting for the next part..

ki said...

I agree with mentalie. I AM getting married and I can just see myself drowning in silk and gold.

moonlite:D said...

hiya,,
i wish u all the best :D

Shrinivas said...

The thought of attending a cousin's wedding freaks me out too.. Not once, twice or thrice but 4 times attended relatives wedding (ofcourse different ones..) and the aunts, uncles, chacha, mami,chunnu munnu all say the same dialogue in every wedding- the famous one is-" Arrey, beta kitna bada ho gaya hai.. last time mila tha tho ..(pause) (cuz they just realised that last time was few months back in other wedding!!!)ahem ahem.. kitna dubla ho gaya.. :) :) :) n then the standard "bachpan mein meri godi mein pee pee kar dhi thi yaad hai??" dialogue .. i really get embarrased.. bledi lady if u want to take revenge by pissing on me then do it.. but dont say it again n again in all marriages.. but nope.. tat is the standard format..n all i do is stand and smile (cursing within)

foreverinbluejeans said...

Hello! I found your blog through some other blog a few days ago, and I can now inform you that I have finished reading ALL your archives. Love your fiction bits! Keep writing!

agent green glass said...

all the folks who stopped by: thank you. promise to reply individually, starting tom. have had no time. blah. and thank you foreverinbluejeans : )

Jandy said...

trust your maasi doesn't read your blog ?