Wednesday, October 7, 2009

wake up shit

Last night we went to see Wake Up Sid.

And I will try and save you all the pain by telling you that unless you want to watch Hannah Montana meets Karan Johar, and they tell each other touching tales about Bambi the deer, stay away.

Sid is a typical Mumbai guy. Right? Then how come I’ve never met someone like him, not because he’s rich and aimless. But because he’s the world’s greatest ass.

He meets a girl. Who he shacks up with. And even when she’s quivering and making constipated cow like eyes at him, he doesn’t grab the chance. Forget sex, not even a fucking kiss.

Oh, and the chick. The whole first half I thought she was a lesbian. Because she keeps insisting, “Don’t get the wrong idea, hum sirf dost hain.” Dude, that went out with Salman saying “Ek ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nahi ban sakte.”

Anyway, for three hours, all you do is watch these two losers as they boil eggs, and make pasta, and sleep in separate beds. What, is this a bloody Disney movie? Sleeping beauty meets Cinderella?

Oh, but wait, we have come of age. There is one scene. Where after days of sharing a one room flat, and making moony eyes, they finally tumble into bed together . To do what? Cuddle and sleep. Are these people in class two? Yesh, I could be sick.

And that bit, where he wears her nightshirt because he’s missing her. Dear lord, is this man for real? A woman wearing a guy’s shirt – sexy. A guy wearing a chick’s shirt, freaking hell, he’s been dancing at the rainbow parade.

Anyway, at the end of the movie, M tells us the director is gay. Maybe that explains it. Why the girl doesn’t choose the dishy Rahul Khanna over Ranbeer. Why Ranbeer doesn’t ever make even a half hearted attempt at a move. Why Konkona, who by the way, plays the girl, wants to be just dosts!

And finally, did you know, that...gasp... after a three torturous hours, the guy and the girl, realise they are in love with each other and then....we have......gasp...a passionate kiss on the forehead.

I want my money back.

picture @

The Band with Who do you love? I kept thinking this song would be so appropriate for the previous post.


Himanshu Tandon said...

Hilarious. It almost seemed like you were voicing my thoughts.

I want my money back too.

Small Miracle said... i am goin to see this movie!! this might juss change my mind ; )

Pancho said...

O...k, then,
I was intrigued about this movie because someone directed me to 'Iktara'...


thank you for warding me off another Smurfs-meets-Sesame Street-type raunchless Bollywood dissapointment

- Sugar Cube - said...

Firstly..Thanks for saving my money & time :P

Secondly & most importantly..super-kickass write up :D

This is the kind of review I'd pay to read :P

Roy said...

agree with sugarcube!

As the Mind Meanders said...

A couple of years back... I have made a promise to myself... no Yash Chopra or Karan Johar movies... and I was about to change my mind for Sid... and I thank you so so much now...

Anita :) said...

Hahahaha... Was smiling all the way... hope Karan Johar sees this review..'passionate kiss on the forehead'!!

Meghana Naidu said...

i wasn't going to watch it anyway *rolls eyes
but i think the movie coming out was worth it just so i could read your review
constipated cow
passionate kiss on forehead indeed


The knife said...

Loved the review, loved the puny headline, loved the Tide pack...loved the fact that I watched Inglourious Baesterds instead...

Rashmi said...

ROFL......oh my lord...i have been asking people if whether or not i should got for this stupid movie...but now thanks to you i've decided i've better things in life to put my 200 bucks into.
Superbly hilarious review.
Thanks buddy :)

The Cloudcutter said...

Do you realise the kind of power you have? And the fact that you could make tons of money if you worked for KJo's rivals?

P.S. I'm going to watch the movie anyway. Yes, I'm that stupid!

☥ ѕωαмι ηανєєη said...

I watched this movie ... just cos raj thackrey had some problem with it .....
But i ended up wasting my time
i cant even demand my money back cos i downloaded it. But what the hell! i demand an apology anyways.

People watch Do know disturb a lot lot better.

agent green glass said...

@himanshu: come lets voice a protest. and try and get our money back, sood samet.

though actually i kind of got my paisa vasool, because Jackie Bhagnani had come to watch the movie. That was entertaining enuff.

@small miracle: noooo. spend the money on a stiff drink instead.

@pancho: you are welcome. Smurfs-meets-Sesame Street-type raunchless Bollywood disappointment. absolutely dude.

@sugarcube: : )ya, KJo does not need our money.

@roy: : )

@ATMM: smart. i think i'll make the same promise to myself.

@anita: nooo. i do not want KJo to see this. He is my ticket to SRK. droooooool.

@meghana: really, i'm a complete sucker for snazzy trailers. but like i said, i saw jackie bhagnani! woo hooo. full paisa vasool.

@The knife: lol. smart.

@Rashmi: you are welcome. enjoy the 200 bucks you saved from being a complete wash out.

@cloudcutter: does KJo have rivals? kooky the gremlin? chippie the grasshopper?

enjoy cloudcutter. carry a barf bag. and let me know how it goes.

agent green glass said...

@swaminaveen: ya. the only fun part of the movie was trying to yell mumbai everytime they said bombay. and all the glares some serious KJo fans were giving us.

do knot disturb eh? well, i don't know. can't be wanting to hit someone twice in a week.

Anonymous said...

oh my god you just stole my next post. I swear though, after so much fucking torture, the forehead kiss? F U C K!

Kokonad said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! :D Hilarous eet eez, what you write! :D
First I wanted to watch the movie because ppl said it was worth watching. Now I want to watch the movie because I read this review! :D
Way to go AGG, way to go!

Kokonad said...

Oh and I am sharing this review on Facebook. :)

Cynic in Wonderland said...

ah yes, i was forgetting that scene where he wears her shirt. i think my mind must have been so traumatized, blocked it out.

Himanshu Tandon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Himanshu Tandon said...

WOW !!! 19 comments and still counting... You sure have a great fan following.

BTW I shared the link to your review on my FB profile as well. Hope you don't mind.

And yes before I close, thank you for all your words of encouragement on my blog. Hope to see you there and on my site more often. :)

slash\\ said...

Now, if only all reviewers say it like this. Brutally honest and totally relatable. Raja Sen would be proud. You should be doing this more often (meaning, for more films).
Ranbir's annoyance-scale went off the charts with Saawariya. And he hasn't looked back hence.

soin said...

they should have put that wake up sid song in the last..puts u to sleep so nicely..bad movie and all hype it up.. free

Shamanth Huddar said...

frickinnn hilarious!!!

and "A guy wearing a chick’s shirt, freaking hell, he’s been dancing at the rainbow parade." - DAMN RIGHT YOU ARE!

rofl! seriously rofl!!

Shamanth Huddar said...

and btw, one can only expect these yash johar/chopra banners to excel in sheer dumbness!

The Cloudcutter said...

Oh he has loads of rivals - RGV, Vishal Bharadwaj, Ashutosh Gowariker etc etc. You could make a killing.
I haven't gone to see yet, waiting for someone to buy me a ticket and some caramel popcorn.

ani_aset said...

well i didn like it either..dont know what went into my head to go and watch a KJ flick