Friday, December 11, 2009

fat chance i have

I’m going to join a gym.

The last time I did that, I just donated ten thousand bucks to the down the drain fund.

This gym is supposed to be very good. Bipasha, Ranbir, Imran, Deepika go there.

And that’s really not helping me. Because they probably invest more in liposuction and tucks than on their gym membership. Yeah, yeah I know. Grapes are sour and all that, but really dude, just take a look at Bip’s chest. It has grown over the years. And no, I don’t think it’s just “bacchi badi ho gayi” growth.

Damn. Why doesn’t it happen to me?

Anyway, sorry to digress. So now the point is what on earth am I going to wear to the gym. The yoga place I used to go to was full of auntyji’s except for a few driver -gadi -lana-ladies. The auntjis wore salwaar kameezs and the driver gadi lana ladies wore track pants with matching T-shirts and solid diamond rings.

I doubt if Bipasha comes to the gym in an old salwaar kameez.

I have nice tracks. Not the furry ones with Bebe on the ass. But really neat black reeboks. And I have a cupboard full of old faded T-shirts.

But I’m worried. I don’t have a glossy shiny pony tail. I don’t have Brazilian work out gear. And I don’t have Mac make up for the gym.

They might think I’m the woman who comes to dust the place.

Such weighty issues on my mind.

On the other hand, let me tell you about airport. This new band. They played a debut show at Del Italia. And they are brilliant. All Hindi stuff mainly, but the singer Arijit Dutta has a voice that’s so groovy.

You remember things like train journeys, playing cards with friends, sitting in a bus and watching the rain, being deliriously in love when he sings. He hits the sweet spot, that boy.

I’m a groupie, in grubby track pants.


*Shreya* said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
*Shreya* said...

hahahahah then join a gym with lesss 'weighty issues' !!!
the gym doesnt, what matters is blah blah blah even i dont know.
Maybe you could wear glares while entering/leaving/working out/shitting/drinking...cause everyone who wants to give 'that' kind of an impression does :/

Luck anyway!

Nu said...

whats' in look they say ! LOL... too much weighty issue isn't it ?

Nice name the boy has Arijit !

Mumbai Diva said...

I go to 'that' gym too. So you'll see one more 'sligtly old T-shirt and tracks' kinda person. But it's a lot of fun to see women with cake make up huffing andpuffing away. But it's a good gym. Bips works out like mad. of course i'm sure she supplements it with a lot of scalpel work too.

It's very motivating to have all these hot bodies working out next to you. Happy place and i've actually lost weight.

The knife said...

I must say I miss gymming.

So far I've been to the 'bhaiya' gym in the late nineties at S V rd, Flex opposite tawa, shut now, John A went there before he was John A and Javed J went there after he was, whatever, Ten, Sykz (still there?) lot of grade Bs, I have taken trials at the gym you mentioned... now I occasionally roll down Carters. which is free :)

agent green glass said...

@shreya: the problem with those gyms is they're often so dull and drab, that you don't want to go. last one i went to was called tarzan's gym!

@nu: yeah. and bludy nice voice too.

@mumbai diva: okay, tell which one. coz now i hear she goes to two of the. one is play n the other is golds. i'm confused about which one to join.

@the knife: i lived on carters. and every sunday swore that i would pound the pavement. nada. just rolled down to eat bhutta and other such stuff.

The knife said...

bhutta!!!!! that's as fit as one could get at Carters

oRange* said...

WTF! ranbir and imran go there?
im coming toooo!!

PaPiLLon said...

seriously!! ranbir n imran!!
ur totally rite to worry about the clothes! i mean i wouldve sat for ages thinkin about what i could wear that would make me look at least presentable in front of all those people!!

BlueMist said...

An shopping opportunity how about looking with that view ? :D

Do they have videos on you tube? I am tempted to listen :)

Mumbai Diva said...

golds. i go there mostly in the evenings.have seen her some 3-4 times..apart from a whole host of the others. where's play?no clue about that.

- Sugar Cube - said...

lol..seriously what to wear at gym is such an issue!

lol :)

The Cloudcutter said...

Oh Gods! Why you giues me so much tenshun? Does this mean I have to look for new friends now that you are going to hang with stars? Oh Jejuz! At least Milo is on my side. Thanks the lord!

agent green glass said...

@orange & papillon: ohhkay. we have serious fans in the house i see.

okay, according to my eye in the sky, i hear they frequent play.
tucked away in rizvi complex bandra.

btw i saw imran at elbo room in bandra. and he is hot. but the girlfriend sticks to him like discarded chewing gum. jeez.

@bluemist: oh yeah, i see it as a serious reason to shop. there is a purpose here.

and check youtube for missmalini videos. she's uploaded some of that debut night, but the page 3 types are so busy plugging their wares there, that u hardly get to hear the band. which is a pity.

wait...have patience...i'll try and sneak in a recording and upload.

@sugarcube: i agree. it shdn't be.

but shrug, what to do. cant have imran thinking i'm the chai girl.

@cloudcutter: ha, not so fast. just heard how much the membership costs.

went many shades of blue and purple. think i'll just stay unfit. sigh.

The knife said...

AGG if it helps I saw Milind Soman, the John A of my time at Carter Rd lighting candles on 2611

mentalie said...

i think you should wear a bikini and high heels to the gym. that'll make sure you hold your gut in (excellent for the abs) and add 14 inches to your legs (stretch out those ham strings) and give imran and ranbir and airport something to think about.

mentalie said...

i just realized something horrible while reading your post.

the ONLY acceptable gear at the gym is precisely what you go there to get - a really hot body. the rest of the wardrobe is merely meant to accessorize it. which is precisely WHY bips has acquired bigger knockers of course...!

Eveline said...

It's good to have goals. I have goals...boy do I have goals...but let's not get into it right now.
This gym thing, is a good idea, not because you need to lose weight or anything (I keep my six pack protected by a soft round, thick layer of fat so they don't break.) but cos it helps with stress for sure.

Take it from me, you dont want to be spending all that money on new gear just to sweat into it.

Anita :) said...

hehe I can understand issues abt going to gym... even when i goto parlour for doing eyebrows...i have some thoughts like these.. but doesnt keep me from goin there anyway..!!

GreyGrasshopper said...

i know a "langot" vyamshala in khar danda run by the mns... you dont need to worry about anything. are you interested?

Rave said...
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Spaz Kumari said...

wear conspicuously fake trackpants with BEBE on the butt or Ed Hardy on the front, and constantly wear a serious, thoughtful expression. When asked about your pants, say that it is an ironical comment on the society in the gym. It is performance art, philistines.

That sort of thing.

Something tells me you could pull this off. :)

Cynic in Wonderland said...

Its even more depressing when the fitness instructors have glossier hair, and shinier clothes than one.

and these places are intimidating - sometimes i think i need to join another gym to get into a decent enough shape to join the fancy gyms. life is very sad.

Atrisa said...

I have a great gym in the campus. 3 treadmills for 300 people saves me the trouble of hoping I would get to use one; picked up the dumbbells to realize I didn't remember the exercises.

It's a good thing people don't get to see your socks. Anyone knows me personally here? *hides frantically*

scratchpost said...

he he he. i first started "trying"

in 2005: orbit gym, 3 k for 6 months -- went for 3 days
in 2007: mickey mehta, 5 k for 6 months -- went for 1 week
in 2008: talwalkars, 10 k for 6 months -- went for 2 weeks
in 2009: five fitness, 15 k for 6 months -- 2 months and phiiisssssssssshhhhhhh

but i do see a pattern of progress when i write it down like that.

my answer: just leave bombay

ani_aset said...

:) too much AGG i now realise what girl goes through before leaving for any place :D MAC make up brazilian work out dress..damn :P

BlueMist said...

Thanks AGG. Will check the videos on you tube and please let us know once you pout together them.