Sunday, January 3, 2010

meet the weepies

Is it just me?

Or is it true that Aamir Khan is hoping to do a Meena Kumari.

Really, what is with him? I love that actor. Right from the time I watched QSQT and for weeks after that moped and wished I’d fall in love as violently.

But his last two movies. All he does is fucking cry. Weep over dyslexia. And before you start telling me dyslexia is a serious issue, let me tell you I suffer from it, and it’s made me quit architecture. But I’m not going sobbing hysterically into my fake Ed Hardy T-shirts every time I meet another dyslexic.

And then 3 idiots. Oh my god, there he was weeping again. It started well. With him being this march to my own drummer guy. Even though I kept wanting to yell out to him and say stuffing your hands into your pocket and mincing around on your heels doesn’t make you seem like a 22 year old, it makes me think your underwear is real tight.

But never mind, Mr Khan is fabulous. I so fell in love with him in Dil Chahta Hai. I’m willing to live with his tight underwear. But this constant weeping, dude, no, it is not metrosexual. It not method acting. It is not guy with a soft heart that he hides behind a biting exterior. It is fucking irritating.

And that bit where Madhavan has convinced his dad, and Sharman has got his job, and then they both come to tell Aamir this. Well, guess what he does. He leaves Kareena standing there, while he hides behind a pillar and bawls his heart out.

Whaaaaat? When is the last time a friend of yours got promoted and you hid behind the photocopy machine and cried your eyes out. Or a friend told you he’s going to try and become a DJ, and you shut yourself in the car, and sobbed your head off.

Really, the scene would have worked out way better had Kareena just given him the number to a good therapist.

Anyway the other strange thing is that the testosterone virus seems to be catching.

Now Chetan Bhagat is crying foul. Why? Because his name is not top of the credit list and right at the bottom. After the extras.

Of course, the fun part is not about him crying foul, but how he’s doing it. He claims he has no problem with the credit thing, but his fans are upset. Wait, don’t start laughing as yet.

And then he claims he’s bringing this up, because his mom went to see the film in a hall in Delhi, and when she saw her son’s name come right at the end, after the extras, she burst into tears, and was so hurt that she had to leave immediately. Which is why Mr Bhagat is upset.

Not because he’s dying to get credit for a blockbuster, but because he can’t stand to see all these people hurt and upset.

Yesh.

First we just had the new Meena Kumari to contend with, now we even have the martyred Nirupa Roy to deal with.

21 comments:

Spaz Kumari said...

YES! YES! am i the only one who finds aamir's wide-eyed I-AM-ECSTATIC face slightly frightening? Also, just watch chetan bhagat talk. Just watch him talk. He's got the whiny little effeminate voice, the big hand movements... and the worst part is where the anchor keeps asking him what the similarities between the movie and the book are, and he keeps saying "Just read my blog! Just read my blog!"

why? why should we freaking read your blog? If you're as inarticulate there as you are here, there's no point, is there?

GRRRRR I hate that man and the graceless (not to mention grammar-bereft) crap he churns out.

Phew.

Also, nice post. :)

*Shreya* said...

Ohhhhhhh tell me about it :/
its time one Mr Khan stops trying to play a character which does NOT suit him.
I never really liked Amir cause am more on SRK's side, but, well, i dont know, i just started HATING him after Tarre Zameen Par...like bum bum bole, reeeeeeeally? :|
So ya, time he moves out and spares us the horror. or may be atleast quit CRYING :)

One beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg YES YES YES YOU'R SO RIGHT to you!!

Divya said...

Aare the man manages to be endearing, even when he's trying to act half his age :) Though, yes, too much crying.

Chetan Bhagat's head needs slight deflation. Period.

Meghana Naidu said...

i dont read "one night at the call centre"
i dont watch "hello"
you get the drift
;)

but i DO laugh my guts out when i read you

and thats what i did when i saw a belly dancer on a random new year show
my mind kept whispering “But I am!” in beat to the music.

:D

Flickering Cursor said...

Heh. New-age sensitive male. Used to follow Big Boss (Yeah I know. Cringe. - but not ashamed). The males there used to cry more than the females. So, true to form, AK would have done his homework right when he opened taps.

About the review...fascinating as usual. But, hello, 'lil spoiler alerts (**) would be appreciated. Had to skip entire paragraphs. Not that I'm looking forward to that movie much. Will pirate it most probably. But still.

Happy nu yaar.

mentalie said...

ick. aamir khan makes me cringe. the fact that i was mad about him when i was 12 makes me feel like a worm. ick. ick. ick.

but i love chetan bhagat. he's my new road rage :) what would i do without him!

The Panorama said...

I think you missed the whole point. Aamir was playing a character who was different than most people. A character who listens to his heart.- I am not sure there are many people who have that kind of emotional honesty coz most people are even lying to themselves about their feelings.
I loved th film and Aamir in it.

Pinku said...

hi,

agree with ur assessment.

and the latest is Mr. Bhagat is offering a compromise....I wonder what it is, bring his name to the middle of the rolls or perhaps increase the font size??

Aamir would do well to act his age....but then...he has decided to be the next dev anand....so poor u and me can only gape (in horror)

Lavender said...

haha weirdo he is
i read his Blog
he's talking about
I don't want the credit
My fans out there can see how similar it is and how i haven't been given the credit
Ok loser shut up
No one wants to hear you whining!

Corinne Rodrigues said...

AGG - thanks for the New Year wishes and wishing you all that's good too. May you continue to make us love to read your blog! :)

For some reason I can't stand AK and have not seen a single movie of his..And while on the subject of people I can't stand, please add Chetan Bhagat to it. Now it seems unfair to have such opinions about people whose movies you have watched or books you haven't read...but who cares? ;)

Take care.
C

Anita :) said...

he he he..
whenever a new movie comes the critic in AGG wakes up..
I guess entire Bollywood must be scared of ur crticisms..they are all so minute observations...and painfully true! and i laughed my head off..openly, and not behind the pillar - UNLIKE Aamir..

JacqulynTorres said...

一起加油吧..................................................

agent green glass said...

@spaz kumari: at last, a woman after my own heart! with a name i'd like to appropriate. i love that description of chetan bhagat. i wonder if it'll make his mother burst into tears tho.

@shreya: like bum bum bole!!! i agree, 42 and fucking singing bum bum bole, while crying your eyes out. gross.

@divya: slight deflation? i think thats all there is up there. hot air, and nothing else.

@megs: wait, i will mail u a track called a snake charmer is a belly dancer, a belly dancer is a snake charmer! it is my anthem now.

@flickering cursor: listen, i didn't give away anything. except the fact that he cries. not that he's not the murderer. sharman is. and did i tell you madhavan dies in the end?

@mentalie: i love ick. captures how i feel.

@panorama: of course i missed the point. that a film with a social message has to be sanctimonious. that engineers can not think up better ideas than old internet forwards about the pencil used in space. that pregnant women choose stormy nights when there is no transport available to have a baby.
i missed it all. that said, i know a lot of people who enjoyed the movie, the makers are raking in the moolah...so maybe you are right and i'm not.

@pinku: hehe heh. i loved that bit about the compromise. you are wicked i say.

@lavender: i agree. guilty of reading his blog too. and he ends his blog with things like " Love, me!" puke!

@corrine: happy new year! and lots of love of course.

@anita: ya. i was thinking i should write about movies i like as well. actually i liked rocket singh. dunno why i didn't write about it tho.

@J torres: same to you!

Atrisa said...

Oh lol! Atleast his crying made you write something that made us laugh :D Thank the lord for a Chetan Bhagat, now the country has a writer too to make fun of. What a cry baby the guy is! Can't believe I actually read the entire blog post on his website. Me wonders, is he doing all this natak to get fodder for a new novel, if you can call one that.

The Cloudcutter said...

Well said, my raapchik friend. Aise hi Bollywood ki lete rehna.

P.S. Tishoo box degi kya? Shembut bahut nikal raha hai!

Sangfroid said...

Cry Cry Baby ... :-D

Gautu said...

hehe well y d f u all want such a good actor to hang up his boots :P...are there any other actors??...n are there not any funny scenes in the movie?.....where AK laughs....but nice post...:D

Anamika said...

:D, good one from u, for a change.

Anonymous said...

I hate chetan bhagat, aamir khand and everything else associated with 3 idiots. but i still read/watch them cause i hate people in general.

Small Miracle said...

i had less isues with all the boo-hoo crap in the movie...my REAL ISSUE was the massive amount of BOTOX Aamir had got done on his face. For the love of God, his face hardly moved in the entire movie...and he could barely crack a smile.

Chetan...welll...hmmm...he has issues...with too much gas in his head! : )

Tamanna Mishra said...

Hahahaha!!! Now that you mention it..