Wednesday, September 10, 2008

life in plastic, it's fantastic.

Okay so we all know Barbie is a bitch. And she lures little girls into being thin and unhappy. And if she were a real woman her vital statistics would be 40:18:32.

Question to pervert designer: Did he think she could totter around on plastic stilettos with boobs the size of that? I bet Barbie has a bruised nose all the time.

Anyway, the point is today I learnt something even more fascinating about Barbie. Obviously the guys at Mattel have very interesting conversations in their conference room. Because after many months of research and much stress, they decided *tan tan tan* that nipples were a no-no.

Can you believe that? The stress, the anguish, the thought that goes into these things. I can just see those harrowed people at Mattel cancelling their vacations and burning the midnight oil till finally they could find an answer that would change a million lives:

“Barbie will not have nipples.”

But then life is full of challenges. And here’s another one those brave people at Mattel faced, “What do we do with Ken’s bulge?”

Should they show it? And how much? Would it like “Oh, but Ken’s got a great heart at least” or would it be like “ ooh Ken, you are happy to see Barbie.”

But of course how could little girls, who were being spared the trauma of nipples, be exposed to the evils of the bulge. But then, if Barbie had breasts, Ken couldn’t be all smooth and enuch types either.

So then more stress, more anguish, more cancelled vacations, till finally they had their answer. Ken would always come with his pants on.

Whew. The world has been saved. All’s well that end’s well.

Except for Ken and Barbie. Rumour has it that they’re breaking up. She’s sick off trying to have sex with a guy whose pants can’t come off.


This is that said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I am going to laugh about this..

agent green glass said...

heh heh. i did too. and then that stupid barbie song suddenly seems like a work of genius!

Jenna said...


Have you ever noticed that Barbie's feet come pre-tiptoed? They're angling upward as though she is incapable of walking like a normal person...

...both because female feet are considered to look more beautiful when piqued, and also so she can fit into her plastic stilettos.

Poor Barbie can't run; she can't even walk. She can tiptoe daintily. That means she can't spend eight hours on her feet as a surgeon. She can't backpack around Tanzania. She can't win a marathon. All she can do is stand around and look hot.

harneeta said...

Absolutely,completely love this one.