So i went for a birthday party the other night. Very la li lah.
As opposed to la di dah.
And yeah, there is a difference. La di dah is where you’re wondering if your underwear is showing through your dress because everyone looks so fucking condescending all the time.
La li lahs are like la di dahs, in that they are rich and influential, but they are also pretty fun. With or without the drugs.
Anyway so the la li lahs were all gathered in this flavour of the season khar pub. Again, that’s the difference la di dahs would die if they had to go to a place called WTF for a birthday party.
“my gawd dahling, how vulgar!”
So I decided to put my social graces into practise. Which largely consist of being extremely fake and sweet.
It is great fun, and mostly involves telling everyone you meet, “wow, how did you lose so much weight.” Of course if they are barely making it through the double door, I would skip saying that, but otherwise I say it to everyone.
Anyway, the highlight of the evening was the la di dah who had slipped into the party. She used to work at my previous office, and knows a lot of common colleagues. So someone introduces her, and I turn, all bright and happy, ready with my hello and losing weight line, when she looks at me.
And I felt like bloody Harry Potter when he was facing Voldemort.
She looked at me for a microsecond, and I knew my dress was all wrong, my underwear was showing, my hair looked liked from the 80’s, my nailpolish was the wrong colour, and so on and so forth. It just all flashed from her eyes to mine.
Brrrr. I had been la di dead!
Then she half nodded, while her lip curled in distaste, like i was a wilted piece of cabbage trying to pass myself off as fresh lettuce. And in slow motion, she turned to the person who had introduced us, broke into a huge smile and gushed "hello darling."
While i stared down at my glass, and muttered to my whisky, "wow, how did you lose so much weight?"
Instead, I should have whipped out my wand and said:
With unflattering balloon dress.
And fat calves.
Trantallegra you la di dah!